Chocolate and Ice

Black women; wonderfully unique.


Men can be picky, but women cannot?

Posted by Lmarbly on March 2, 2016 at 9:25 AM

The superficial twins on The Steve Harvey Show

Why is it that women are told to overlook looks, but men are not? Men can be very vocal about what he wants in a woman looks wise and no one bats an eye (not even women for the most part) but when a woman is particular about wanting a man who looks a certain way people lose their minds. Let’s be honest, Steve could have did a show with attractive twin brothers, and fixed them up with unattractive women. The women could have been presidents of major corporations, making 6 figures, with hearts of gold. If a man thinks a woman is ugly or unattractive it doesn’t matter what she has going for her- everybody including Steve would pat a man on his back for keeping it real, and not hurting and leading the woman on. I really have no answer for why men can be vocal and particular about how he wants his woman to look, but women are reprimanded. I’m sure there is a scientific theory floating somewhere on the internet.

I have mixed feelings about this episode. I like Steve but I don’t watch his show and I take his relationship advice with a grain of salt (not that there are no nuggets of truth at times-I just prefer relationship advice from a man who’s been married for years with no infidelities under his belt. That’s another subject.

This is a little complicated. Part of me wants to agree with Steve on this-We as women tend to be a little more forgiving when it comes to looks if a man is truly a good man, can provide well, is family oriented etc. I think most people especially when they are young can be superficial and hung up on looks and what a person has. When I was young(er) I used to be very hung up on a certain look of the kind of man I wanted, down to the car I wanted him to drive and his job. He had to be xyz, or he didn’t get anywhere with me. With that said, while I was clinging to my unrealistic expectations (I remained single-dating every now and then, still holding out for Mr. Perfection) while my family and friends were marrying and starting their family with Mr. Average nice guy.

So I get these women, however, having superficial standards can and sometimes will keep you single a lot longer than you anticipated, keep you single forever or scrambling to marry any ole thing out of desperation later. Whether we want to admit to it or not, we (women) have a shelf life. Now that doesn’t mean you can’t be 50 walking down the aisle, or even 65 (heck I was 40 when I finally walked down the aisle, compared to most women that I knew who were 21,22,23 you get the picture. The older we get the harder it is to find a man who wants to settle down. I was blessed to get a good man, who is attractive, hardworking etc but I know many more women who are my age and older, some younger who are still waiting-some wanting to give up on dating altogether. It can be even harder for a man to want to settle down if he’s been divorced, never been married by a certain age or has a slew of baby mama’s. The list is endless. I want to note that there is nothing wrong with having standards, a woman should have standards, but those standards should be realistic.

I won’t go into what constitutes standards because they vary for us all. I don’t want anyone misconstruing my words either. I’m not telling women to just jump on any man just to be married, or jump on a man she thinks is ugly and has a good heart. There should be attraction and chemistry-what I am saying make sure you’re looking at men who approach you objectively and not write any off based on the superficial. What some women won’t tell you is, you may look back over your life with regret on a man or men you didn’t give the time of day to. Especially once your clock starts ticking. Our clocks start to tick at different times. Some will glean from this article what is important to them and some will write it off altogether. That’s fine; they haven’t hit that clock count down yet.


Categories: Relationships, love, life

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About the Author

Lisa Marbly-Warir is an avid reader and has been writing for years. She started out writing fan fiction of celebrities and TV/movie characters. Michael Jackson was her favorite to write about and it garnered her a small following. She published her first book Destinee romance novella (completed 2001) January 2015. Painting and drawing is also a favorite pastime though she doesn’t do it as often as she used to. Next to reading, writing and drawing, Lisa also loves to travel. She has been to Europe, the Caribbean and North Africa as well as travels throughout the United States. You will see she incorporates some of her travel journeys into her stories. One of her quotes “Writing is an escape, and I love living through my characters and bringing them to life”


Cat person-(she loves dogs too)

Red (favorite color)

Rose (favorite flower)

Jane Eyre (favorite novel)



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