Chocolate and Ice

Black women; wonderfully unique.


Black women and marriage

Posted by Lmarbly on August 9, 2016 at 10:25 AM Comments comments (0)

Black women and marriage

Lisa Marbly-Warir


Hey everyone. This is a beaten to death topic on many Black social media sites, but it’s a topic that can’t be ignored. As much as I try, believe me, lol. I see how marriage and the benefits of marriage can help our community. I just recently published a book Sisters, Can We Talk?  that has been on my mind to do for many years. Long before my grandmother passed-she’s been gone for 6 years; I used to tell her that one day I was going to write a book about singleness and marriage, preferably wanting marriage. Back then, the negativity about marriage wasn’t so prevalent. I think the negativity about marriage is more so online where you have a great number of like-minded women who can feed off of each other-but IRL women are more likely to admit to wanting marriage. 

I grew up in a time where young ladies sat around and talked about their future wedding plans, and what our groom/husband would look like etc or what we hoped he would look like. I would say somewhere in the past 15 or so years those days has turned into-marriage is not important, wives are desperate, pathetic, weak creatures, marriage only benefits men etc. But somehow having children with a man who refuses to marry you or step up to the plate is somehow acceptable, and the scary thing is, it’s become so commonplace that marriage does indeed seem like a foreign concept to many. Somewhere however, many young Black ladies are getting the message that marriage is not beneficial for women and that all men cheat, and so why bother with marriage?

Now I would like to say that-for women who genuinely don’t want marriage based on their own personal reasons, I’m not talking to those women. I more or less talk to women who I know want marriage. I think there are a few things going on that has made the idea of marriage go down a slippery slope, hopefully not to the point of no return. I don’t believe the desire for marriage will ever go away for most women, but we have to face the fact that more and more women are settling for shacking up, or having children with men they are not married to, and then moving on to the next man.

That is not conducive to a strong community, nor is it conducive to a healthy, stable household in a lot of cases. I believe marriage is no longer seen as important to some women, because many have made choices that lead them away from marriage, and then many are dealing with men who in particular may have been raised in a single mother run home, so they never saw their mother loved and cherished by their father. This is a vicious cycle that keeps manifesting itself as more and more people are coming together to procreate, but not see the importance of making their union legal and spiritually i.e. before God, family and friends.

I made a list which I put in my book about “Are you a placeholder in your boyfriend’s life?” I posted a link to that chapter found here

Another thing I think is going on is many women are trying to make a relationship with the wrong man work, and by default assumes marriage is broken, not reliable nor beneficial for her. It’s not marriage, often times it’s people dealing with the wrong person. I’ve often said that when you meet a man and he tells you he doesn’t want to get married, believe him, what he really means is he doesn’t want to marry you. But guess what? Women will forge ahead in that relationship anyway, get her feelings tied up in him, or get pregnant and wonder about why he left, or why he won’t man up and marry her. Some women will even say-after the baby, or after I got pregnant he just switched up. No he didn’t, you weren’t listening to what he told you, or you weren’t paying attention to his actions-however, as I mentioned, many women did listen to his words, or knew his actions weren’t lining up and went ahead anyway.

At the end of the day, marriage is not broken, but what is broken are two imperfect people trying to come together. You just have to make sure you are with the right person, make sure you listen to the words men say as well as their actions. Men do tell us what they are about most times, we as women don’t always listen. I love a wedding, I love seeing two people in love come together-but at the end of the day, those two people need to know that marriage does indeed take work, there is a daily compromise, there are true benefits to marriage providing you are with the right person. Hopefully the link above will be helpful for some women who are wondering about why their boyfriend is not moving forward.


Be sure to check out my books


Please note-the first book in my Destinee series-A love worth waiting for-Destinee’s story the ebook is free. So check it out.


Follow me

Twitter @Lwarir



Why Don't Men Court Anymore?

Posted by Lmarbly on June 16, 2016 at 8:20 PM Comments comments (2)

Why Don’t Men Court Anymore?

By Lisa Marbly-Warir


Definition of Courtship-courtesy of Google


noun: courtship; plural noun: courtships

1.    a period during which a couple develop a romantic relationship, especially with a view to marriage.


romance, love affair, affair;



Hello everyone, I know it’s been a minute since I have posted something. I went to a co-worker the other day and asked her for some subject matter to post about. She is a single woman, and this question was posed by her. But I also see this question asked online as well. The reason why is pretty easy to answer in my opinion. However, a social media site I like to visit, the opinion as to why they (men) don’t court anymore varies. I’m thinking there is a generational gap as to why there is a disparity in opinions.

I am 40-plus and many of the women who have had a different opinion from me are in their 20s (and that is ok, we all have different life experiences) that said (please note-these are my personal opinions)


  1. Women are not making being courted properly a priority anymore. I’m talking the initial dating process, when a man takes a woman out to a movie, dinner, hand holding in the park-Or whatever the couple’s interests are. But crashing at her place not making the effort to dress up and take her out or only calling a woman at night is not courtship. It’s laziness on both the man’s and the woman’s part. Particularity if a woman wants to move towards marriage and not a forever girlfriend) If a woman wants a man to court her, she needs to set that standard. If a man is unwilling to rise to that standard, he is not the one.


  2. Men know they don’t have to put an effort into courting a woman anymore. More and more women are settling for less than true courtship. A lot of women and men are defining lust as a relationship. Many are jumping feet first into sexual relationships without a mutual agreement on what they are. Are we exclusive?-working towards eventual marriage? Friends with benefits, Booty call, Casual dating, I don’t know how to define us, We’re friends-but someone wants more etc etc etc. A real courtship needs to be defined early on. If you (the woman) has questions about where you stand with the man you are with, that may be a red flag.


  1. A lot of men are getting the benefits of a relationship without minimal effort on their end. Very minimal. Men are used to not having to step up to the plate because they are not being challenged to, women are getting weary of men not stepping up to the plate-but many women are also settling-which perpetuates this dilemma. Some men are simply lip service and no actions lining up with what they are telling the women they are with. Men and women are often on a different page when it comes to sex and love.


    We as women tend to blur the lines of sex and love-which can lead to confusion.  There was a saying years ago (it’s not verbatim-I don’t remember who said it) but Men use words of love to get sex and women give sex to get love. Ladies, there really are red flags when we first meet a man. Some women say they were blind-sided by a man after crap hit the fan. Not true, for the most part, we ignore signs slapping us right in the face. And the reasons for ignoring those signs vary by woman.



  2. We know we have men who don’t try to court a woman-but then we have men who won’t try because they think women are asking for too much. Movie, dinner, roses and he wants to know what is he getting out of the deal before he spends his money (this is what I’ve heard men say). Sex is usually the preferred trade-off. And sex without true commitment presents a different challenge-which takes me back to men and women being on different pages when it comes to sex and love.


  3. I think this one is a biggie. A lot of men are not seeing examples of courtship. Their own father may be missing in action; their mother may have juggled several boyfriends during his formative years. Courtship to a man, if it’s even on his radar differs from courtship from a woman’s POV. I think in our parents/grandparents day-men and women were a little more on the same page when it came to the purpose of courtship-and that was to get married. But somewhere we lost the purpose as more and more women are settling for Mr. Right Now, having children with Mr. Right Now, moving in with Mr. Right Now hoping Mr. Right Now will turn into Mr. Husband, but Mr. Right Now isn’t interested in being Mr. Husband.



    Someone might ask me; well what is your solution to getting a man to court you. You know, I am a traditional minded woman, and what worked for me-probably wouldn’t work for the masses because relationships are so discombobulated these days. But I will say for women who want to be courted, make it your standard and DON’T waver from that. It won’t be an easy road, because so many women are settling and men tend to gravitate to that.




    Author of

    A Love Worth Waiting For-Destinee’s Story book 1

    Two Become One book 2

    Born Out of Lust book 3

    Jewel-Entrepreneur, Fabulous…and Single a Novella



Men can be picky, but women cannot?

Posted by Lmarbly on March 2, 2016 at 9:25 AM Comments comments (0)

The superficial twins on The Steve Harvey Show

Why is it that women are told to overlook looks, but men are not? Men can be very vocal about what he wants in a woman looks wise and no one bats an eye (not even women for the most part) but when a woman is particular about wanting a man who looks a certain way people lose their minds. Let’s be honest, Steve could have did a show with attractive twin brothers, and fixed them up with unattractive women. The women could have been presidents of major corporations, making 6 figures, with hearts of gold. If a man thinks a woman is ugly or unattractive it doesn’t matter what she has going for her- everybody including Steve would pat a man on his back for keeping it real, and not hurting and leading the woman on. I really have no answer for why men can be vocal and particular about how he wants his woman to look, but women are reprimanded. I’m sure there is a scientific theory floating somewhere on the internet.

I have mixed feelings about this episode. I like Steve but I don’t watch his show and I take his relationship advice with a grain of salt (not that there are no nuggets of truth at times-I just prefer relationship advice from a man who’s been married for years with no infidelities under his belt. That’s another subject.

This is a little complicated. Part of me wants to agree with Steve on this-We as women tend to be a little more forgiving when it comes to looks if a man is truly a good man, can provide well, is family oriented etc. I think most people especially when they are young can be superficial and hung up on looks and what a person has. When I was young(er) I used to be very hung up on a certain look of the kind of man I wanted, down to the car I wanted him to drive and his job. He had to be xyz, or he didn’t get anywhere with me. With that said, while I was clinging to my unrealistic expectations (I remained single-dating every now and then, still holding out for Mr. Perfection) while my family and friends were marrying and starting their family with Mr. Average nice guy.

So I get these women, however, having superficial standards can and sometimes will keep you single a lot longer than you anticipated, keep you single forever or scrambling to marry any ole thing out of desperation later. Whether we want to admit to it or not, we (women) have a shelf life. Now that doesn’t mean you can’t be 50 walking down the aisle, or even 65 (heck I was 40 when I finally walked down the aisle, compared to most women that I knew who were 21,22,23 you get the picture. The older we get the harder it is to find a man who wants to settle down. I was blessed to get a good man, who is attractive, hardworking etc but I know many more women who are my age and older, some younger who are still waiting-some wanting to give up on dating altogether. It can be even harder for a man to want to settle down if he’s been divorced, never been married by a certain age or has a slew of baby mama’s. The list is endless. I want to note that there is nothing wrong with having standards, a woman should have standards, but those standards should be realistic.

I won’t go into what constitutes standards because they vary for us all. I don’t want anyone misconstruing my words either. I’m not telling women to just jump on any man just to be married, or jump on a man she thinks is ugly and has a good heart. There should be attraction and chemistry-what I am saying make sure you’re looking at men who approach you objectively and not write any off based on the superficial. What some women won’t tell you is, you may look back over your life with regret on a man or men you didn’t give the time of day to. Especially once your clock starts ticking. Our clocks start to tick at different times. Some will glean from this article what is important to them and some will write it off altogether. That’s fine; they haven’t hit that clock count down yet.


To sex or not to sex that is the question for Christian romance novels

Posted by Lmarbly on January 18, 2016 at 12:10 AM Comments comments (0)

To sex or not to sex that is the question for Christian romance novels

Hello readers, I may have tackled this subject before, but since when does talking about sex ever get tiring? It is after all what makes the world go round and it’s something that’s always on everybody’s mind at some point on another. I bring this subject up specifically for Christian women. A couple of friends of mine gave me some food for thought regarding one of my books Two become one-A Destinee sequel and it’s making me overthink my decision in putting sexual situations in this book and not simply implying sexual events took place. (But then I have other readers who wanted some hot steamy sex-so I called myself reaching a compromise) As I told one of my friends before they even read the book, they (my characters) will do what married people do-they were given fair warning. So one of them told me-Well what about Christian women who may struggle in areas of sexual sins (fornication, adultery etc.) and they read this and stumble. 1st Corinthians 10:32.

That’s a fair point I guess, but I maintain that God created sex and the characters in question in my book are a married couple. Also, TV, even advertisements are saturated with sex- a person would have to close their eyes every single minute of the day to avoid sex if they are that offended by a natural part of life. To be fair I don’t think the friends I am talking about are offended per se, but they knowing me to be a Christian and they themselves are Christian they expected my 2nd book to be like the first. Destinee romance novella I asked them how can Destinee be the same person from the first book? Her life and situation has changed, so she wouldn’t be that same pie in the sky girl; she had to adapt to her new situation and that includes sex. So now I don’t know if in my friends’ cases is it simply a personal preference to not read sex in detail or is it better to hint at it? I pose the same question to you.

Would you rather read about sex in detail?

Or do you prefer implication and using your own imagination?

As Christian women should we be reading sexually laden novels?

To answer my own questions-Yes, yes and probably not if you struggle in that area

My first story Destinee romance novella was well received, not just by Christian women but also women who may not identify with Christianity who enjoyed the “sex free” story, because it still hinted at a deep intimate passion between the protagonist and the hero of the story-and you could still use your imagination of what they would do to each other given the opportunity.


The bible is pretty clear when it comes to sex within marriage being an honorable thing.

1 Corinthians 7:1-40

1 Corinthians 7:9

Genesis 2:25

There are plenty of scriptures regarding premarital and marital sex. Please note this article is directed at Christians-I realize that the world and even some Christians don’t see sex outside of marriage as a big deal-I’m not directing this at you.

#black christian women #sex in the bible #black romance #african american romance #premarital sex #marital sex #marriage bed



Self hatred?

Posted by Lmarbly on November 25, 2015 at 10:10 AM Comments comments (0)


I see this term thrown around a little too much online especially on particular black media sites I like to visit. I like to tackle certain subjects I see a lot and post them on my own website. That said the latest self-hate claim was pertaining to black women who wear colored contacts and is it a form of self-hate? Now this subject comes up a lot, be it contacts, weave wearing, dating/marrying other races etc. My go to answer is always, there are far too many real problems in the black community to focus on something as trivial as outer appearance and who people fall in love with. Now the interracial dating topic requires a post all to itself and I may or may not tackle that one at a later date, I know people get up in their feelings on that one, so we’ll see.

Most women do things that will enhance their appearance, or at the least think they are enhancing their appearance. I notice that women of other races can throw fake hair in, dye their hair, get fake nails, wear colored contacts etc but when black women do it, it’s scrutinized and analyzed to death. It’s like we are held to a different standard as if we are not women who want to enhance areas of our physical being too. (note-I don’t wear colored contacts, wear weave or even do fake nails etc) but for women who want to, let them and understand it’s not necessarily about self-hate (I can’t speak for every woman, but I do think the term self-hate is a bit much in this situation)

I usually go a step further and say, if we want to talk self-hate, why don’t we discuss the violence in our communities, young black males being killed at an alarming rate by other black males and how about innocent bystanders who are also killed in drive bys etc. Or my favorite, black men and black women not coming together in matrimony to raise the kids they created. Or the fact that we don’t support black businesses often times. The list of real self-hatred goes far beyond colored contacts and weave wearing etc. Far beyond; I notice we (as in I see this a LOT online) get bent out of shape over trivial things, but when faced with real issues we are mum about it, or see it as no big deal.


Upcoming books from Lisa

Posted by Lmarbly on July 23, 2015 at 12:25 AM Comments comments (0)

Upcoming books from Author Lisa Marbly-Warir

Tentative release date 1/2016 or before


What you mama didn’t tell you-is a working title. I feel that a lot of black women are not preparing their daughters for life, marriage, how to be in stable healthy relationships etc. I’m writing this book based on observations and things I wished I’d learned when I was a girl growing up. But I also feel that what I didn’t learn is what prompted me to be able to write such a book. I used to tell my late grandmother that I felt that my life was going to be an eventual testimony for some young woman/women. I’ve posted two excerpts from this book here on Goodreads and on my website. Please check it out.

Edward- (I don’t have a title for his story yet) For anyone who has read Destinee, we know who Mr. Edward Johnson is. I got a review from a woman, who felt there should be a back story behind Edward. Destinee Romance novella is through her eyes, so I didn’t delve into Edward that deeply. It won’t be a full novella, just a short story to gain a little understanding of the man he became and why Destinee and any woman who came in contact with him fell head over heels. 

Excerpt~~…. Later that night after orientation, Eddie met his roommate; a New Yorker by the name of Thomas Jenkins. They didn’t hit it off right away. Thomas assumed Eddie would probably muscle in on his territory when it came to women, but after a while, both young men saw the advantage in being friends. It meant double the honey’s for both of them. It was a known fact that good looking people ran and congregated together. They were later known on campus as the “breaker of hearts” boys. Both young men were smart, and kept their grades up in spite of nightly extracurricular activities. Young women didn’t stand a chance when these two were on the prowl…..

Born out of lust-Anthony’s story- Is also part of my Destinee series. I won’t speak too much about this one; this is still in its early stage and could contain spoilers. It is wholly different from our beloved Destinee.

JEWEL-Is not a part of Destinee. She is older, single and gets involved with a slightly younger man. She is a successful business woman, has more money than she knows what to do with, but finds that money doesn’t buy everything. This book will be released hopefully later this year.

Here is a quote from the book

……I was a little disappointed, but such was life, we can’t always get what we want. People thought that because I had money hand over fist, an expensive home in a gated community, traveled to exotic places when time permitted that I was blessed, lucky and must be ecstatically happy, but the truth was I was not. All of those things didn’t compare to a hard muscular body and an erect penis in my bed at night and above all things, love from the one who possessed those things…….

Now some of you might read the information about Jewel and think to yourself, didn’t you just write an article about practicing abstinence? Yes I did and I stand behind it. I also know this is a huge world we live in, and I also know that abstinence, and maintaining virginity etc is not realistic for most people, but that doesn’t mean I as a writer can’t write another POV on the subject of sex.

Please watch for book release updates.

Happy reading.




My next book (What your mama didn't tell you)

Posted by Lmarbly on June 15, 2015 at 3:55 PM Comments comments (0)

My next book (What your mama didn’t tell you)

Hi all. I’ve been a busy bee of late. I am working on my 3rd book (working title above), and it’s not a romance novel. When my grandmother was living, I used to talk to her about everything but most importantly my marital status, while my family and friends were getting married I remained single. As time went on and I continued to stay single year after year, I told my grandmother that I felt it was my calling to “educate” young women about men and relationships (may seem ironic because at the time I wasn’t in a relationship, but it allowed me to observe many different relationships while I waited to be in one). I don’t profess to be an expert, just someone who has observed the world around me-my own experiences and life experiences from friends, family and acquaintances.

I think my being single for as long as I was also helped me to have a testimony so when I eventually married, I could tell women, you don’t have to accept any ole body just to have a man. A lot of women get tied up with men who don’t mean them any good. My book will discuss things about life, love, marriage, sex that I don’t believe many young women are learning in their homes and a lot of times it’s because their mothers or women around them are still learning themselves. All of us have to travel our own roads, but many women can save themselves some heartache if they know certain things from the beginning.

That is why I believe it is imperative that mother’s AND father’s lead by example, but I put emphasis on women because I am a woman, and can’t speak for men, though I plan to have a section in my book about men. I think a lot of young women willingly walk into situations that could have been avoided. I also know that young people don’t like to listen to older people, not that I am old, I’m 45- so again that’s why I say, and will say over and over again it’s best for parents to lead by example giving their children a solid base early on. I didn’t have a solid base, I grew up in a single mother run home, and I knew early on that was not an option for me.

My words tend to be preventative, I have found that most advice comes after a kid or two, or after a woman has become jaded.

So look for the book in hopefully the near future.

Check out my other books

Destinee Romance novella available on Amazon (E book and paperback)

Two Become One To be released 7/13/2015




Signs you may be a placeholder in your boyfriends life

Posted by Lmarbly on June 2, 2015 at 9:05 AM Comments comments (0)

Signs you may be a placeholder in your boyfriends life

June 2, 2015

By Lisa Warir

And by placeholder I mean a woman who is only there for brief companionship (usually sexual benefits for the man) until the woman he really wants comes along. This is one reason why I believe so many women end up as unwed mothers; because she and the young man were sleeping together (obviously) and because of that she thinks they are/were in a true relationship and he was just using her for sex or a place to stay etc.

And of course hindsight is 20/20 for a lot of women after the baby or after realizing she shouldn’t have been giving her body to that guy or guys.

Disclaimer; If you are a woman who likes or wants to be a perpetual girlfriend, or is not interested in marriage, then this is not for you.

Men tend to use sweet words and professions of love to get sex; women on the other hand think because they are giving that intimate side of themselves to a man they’ve been with for weeks, months or years that he loves her. Now it doesn’t mean a man isn’t always in love-but there is a disconnect between men and women out here not being on the same page and I wanted to offer some insight for women who may not understand the confusion they are having dealing with the man they are with. The signs I post are based on observation.

Sign #1

He only calls you late at night, or asks to come over only AT NIGHT. Now unless you know for certain he works during the day and it is the only time he can see you, I’m not talking about that scenario. I’m talking about the man who probably has a girlfriend or wife and the only times he wants to come see you is at night. Be wary. Use discernment.

Sign #2

He makes promises and never keeps his word.

Sign #3

He tells you he doesn’t want to get married. When a man tells you this believe him. What he really means is he doesn’t want to marry you. A lot of women stick around hoping he will change his mind and in that time a woman is getting deeper and deeper involved emotionally and it usually comes to a head through arguments, or after she gets pregnant etc. and she loses him anyway. Sometimes best to cut your losses and move on before the baby, or jaded feelings especially if you want marriage.

Sign #4

He asks you to move in with him. I know this has been the new norm in recent decades. Women think this is the next step to marriage, when often times it’s simply a place for the boyfriend to get the benefits of marriage and still hold his single status. I know someone will say that they know a woman who lived with her boyfriend for x amount of years and they got married.

Well so do I and it was usually because the boyfriend exhausted his other options or the girlfriend had to beg and plead for the marriage proposal. I’m sure many more scenarios. Although most scenarios never resulted in marriage.  It doesn’t take a man 5, 10 plus years to know if he wants to marry you. This indefinite dating is a newer phenomenon as more and more women shack up, or has kids unwed, or have friends with benefits, and one night stands, men aren’t seeing the need to marry.

Sign #5

You don’t see him on the holidays or the weekend. Again, if he is working I’m not talking about that.

Sign #6

The words that come out of his mouth DOES NOT match his actions and vice versa.

Sign #7

Trust your gut. If you don’t have inner peace with a man, re-evaluate why you are with him.

Sign #8

This one I’ve been through. When you are with a man, and you cry and have more questions than answers, it is because he is not the one. A man who truly loves you and most importantly wants to be with YOU; does not put you on a roller coaster ride of emotions. Too many women are out here trying to make a relationship with a man who isn’t there for the long haul work.

Sign #9

He never tries to meet you half way. When I was with my ex fiancé (if you want to call him that)

Here is a metaphor I used to use to describe us when we were “together”. There is a line in the road. And we each had to make it to that line. I would always make it to the line, but when I looked for him, he was still on his end and his back was to me. Red flag; when a man isn’t trying his best to be with you or make you happy. Run.


I’ve heard some women say how after they had the baby their boyfriend just switched up. I’m here to tell you, he didn’t just switch up; you weren’t taking heed to the red flags/signals he was sending from the start. We as women want to believe men; we want to be in relationships with them, so many of us walk into situations with our eyes wide open out of desperation, out of loneliness etc. Sometimes simply being alone for however long that it takes to find you, and ensure of getting the right man in your life is better than dating and exposing yourself to many men who can potentially use you, if you let them.

Some women tend to get themselves in a continuous circle of losers on the quest of finding the one. Me personally, I was single for a lot of years, I rarely dated. My life experience is/was different from a lot of women because I didn’t believe in premarital sex (so it limited my dating options) and I didn’t want to end up how so many women end up out here. I know there are many more signs. I wrote this because I don’t know that young women know this. I also know that most women will find out things on their own and in a lot of cases the hard way. I hope this has been food for thought for the reader.



By Lisa Warir

Author of Destinee Romance Novella available at

and  Two become one: A Destinee Romance sequel

Like Destinee romance novella on Facebook

and visit my page at



 single black women, marriage, boyfriend, girlfriend, dating



To chase or not to chase

Posted by Lmarbly on May 18, 2015 at 9:35 AM Comments comments (0)

That is the question that always comes up on a site I like to visit and post on. There is a segment of women who want to pursue men, and I always say i'm against it. As I recently mentioned on said site, most of the women I know who chased after men are not only not with those men, but they were ultimately used by those men.

Men and women are wired differently, and I believe that men think if a woman is chasing after him she is looking for commitment less sex just like he probably is. Men like to go the path of least resistance when it comes to sex and I think a chasing woman

a) gives him the advantage to use her however he sees fit.

b) it makes the woman look desperate

c) the woman can be potentially used-unless that is her objective of course.

d) it makes men lazy about chasing and expecting women to pursue them.

I've had men tell me that over the years when I was a single woman they wanted me to chase them, and they got a shock, I didn't chase or pursue them, their number was instantly lost ie thrown out.

I think if women want to chase after men, then they need to also stop complaining about men not being the men our fathers/grandfathers once were (not that they weren't trifling either, but their generation were more apt to pursue because women made them) Men still chase and want to chase, but for a woman doing the chasing, most likely, she will chase and he will CHASE who he really wants. Make a man work for you, give him a reason to want to pursue you. Food for thought.

Is it really insecurity?

Posted by Lmarbly on May 13, 2015 at 11:45 AM Comments comments (0)

Is it really insecurity?

Or preservation of her marriage/relationship; when a wife/woman doesn’t want her man to have female friends? I pose this question after watching the Shahs of Sunset recently. GG got mad when Asifa said she didn’t want Bobby talking/texting GG. Same thing with Kenya Moore when Phaedra said she didn’t want Apollo being friends with Kenya and Kenya said to Phaedra, don’t speak for your husband. I find it rather ironic that it is mostly single women who want to accuse a wife/woman of being insecure about her husband. Granted many times the husband/man gives the wife reasons to be insecure, but that is not always the case. I am very leery of women who call a wife insecure when she wants to be in said wife’s husband face, and leery of a man who doesn’t take his wife’s feelings into consideration.

Cheating, be it emotional or physical often times starts out as “innocent” if that is a correct way to put it. You know what I mean, “oh we’re just friends” And the wife turns a blind eye, or she is naïve and next thing she knows her best friend, her neighbor, her husband’s female friend are sleeping together. I’ve asked the question before in regards to Kenya and now GG, how would they feel if a woman they didn’t like; in Kenya’s case Porsha was always in their man’s face? Do people not think about consequences and reaping what you’ve sown (ie karma)

It’s funny, if a woman “watches” over her husband she is insecure. But if a woman turns a blind eye she is stupid.

Now I’m not entirely against a man having female friends and he is in a relationship, when there are BOUNDARIES that is not crossed by him and that friend- but I am against it when that man has to choose between his wife and that friend, or that friend calls the wife out. To me that is a red flag. I would never become a thorn in the side of a woman and her husband, and I expect the same with my husband and me.

In my new book sequel to Destinee Romance Novella (not released yet) Destinee is faced with a former friend/ sex partner of her husband-how do you think she handled it?


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About the Author

Lisa Marbly-Warir is an avid reader and has been writing for years. She started out writing fan fiction of celebrities and TV/movie characters. Michael Jackson was her favorite to write about and it garnered her a small following. She published her first book Destinee romance novella (completed 2001) January 2015. Painting and drawing is also a favorite pastime though she doesn’t do it as often as she used to. Next to reading, writing and drawing, Lisa also loves to travel. She has been to Europe, the Caribbean and North Africa as well as travels throughout the United States. You will see she incorporates some of her travel journeys into her stories. One of her quotes “Writing is an escape, and I love living through my characters and bringing them to life”


Cat person-(she loves dogs too)

Red (favorite color)

Rose (favorite flower)

Jane Eyre (favorite novel)



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