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Black women and marriage

Posted by Lmarbly on August 9, 2016 at 10:25 AM Comments comments (0)


Black women and marriage

Lisa Marbly-Warir

8/9/2016

Hey everyone. This is a beaten to death topic on many Black social media sites, but it’s a topic that can’t be ignored. As much as I try, believe me, lol. I see how marriage and the benefits of marriage can help our community. I just recently published a book Sisters, Can We Talk?  that has been on my mind to do for many years. Long before my grandmother passed-she’s been gone for 6 years; I used to tell her that one day I was going to write a book about singleness and marriage, preferably wanting marriage. Back then, the negativity about marriage wasn’t so prevalent. I think the negativity about marriage is more so online where you have a great number of like-minded women who can feed off of each other-but IRL women are more likely to admit to wanting marriage. 


I grew up in a time where young ladies sat around and talked about their future wedding plans, and what our groom/husband would look like etc or what we hoped he would look like. I would say somewhere in the past 15 or so years those days has turned into-marriage is not important, wives are desperate, pathetic, weak creatures, marriage only benefits men etc. But somehow having children with a man who refuses to marry you or step up to the plate is somehow acceptable, and the scary thing is, it’s become so commonplace that marriage does indeed seem like a foreign concept to many. Somewhere however, many young Black ladies are getting the message that marriage is not beneficial for women and that all men cheat, and so why bother with marriage?

Now I would like to say that-for women who genuinely don’t want marriage based on their own personal reasons, I’m not talking to those women. I more or less talk to women who I know want marriage. I think there are a few things going on that has made the idea of marriage go down a slippery slope, hopefully not to the point of no return. I don’t believe the desire for marriage will ever go away for most women, but we have to face the fact that more and more women are settling for shacking up, or having children with men they are not married to, and then moving on to the next man.

That is not conducive to a strong community, nor is it conducive to a healthy, stable household in a lot of cases. I believe marriage is no longer seen as important to some women, because many have made choices that lead them away from marriage, and then many are dealing with men who in particular may have been raised in a single mother run home, so they never saw their mother loved and cherished by their father. This is a vicious cycle that keeps manifesting itself as more and more people are coming together to procreate, but not see the importance of making their union legal and spiritually i.e. before God, family and friends.

I made a list which I put in my book about “Are you a placeholder in your boyfriend’s life?” I posted a link to that chapter found here

http://lisamarbly-warirauthorpage.weebly.com/my-blog/signs-you-may-be-a-placeholder-in-your-boyfriends-life

Another thing I think is going on is many women are trying to make a relationship with the wrong man work, and by default assumes marriage is broken, not reliable nor beneficial for her. It’s not marriage, often times it’s people dealing with the wrong person. I’ve often said that when you meet a man and he tells you he doesn’t want to get married, believe him, what he really means is he doesn’t want to marry you. But guess what? Women will forge ahead in that relationship anyway, get her feelings tied up in him, or get pregnant and wonder about why he left, or why he won’t man up and marry her. Some women will even say-after the baby, or after I got pregnant he just switched up. No he didn’t, you weren’t listening to what he told you, or you weren’t paying attention to his actions-however, as I mentioned, many women did listen to his words, or knew his actions weren’t lining up and went ahead anyway.

At the end of the day, marriage is not broken, but what is broken are two imperfect people trying to come together. You just have to make sure you are with the right person, make sure you listen to the words men say as well as their actions. Men do tell us what they are about most times, we as women don’t always listen. I love a wedding, I love seeing two people in love come together-but at the end of the day, those two people need to know that marriage does indeed take work, there is a daily compromise, there are true benefits to marriage providing you are with the right person. Hopefully the link above will be helpful for some women who are wondering about why their boyfriend is not moving forward.

 

Be sure to check out my books

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_11?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lisa+marbly-warir&sprefix=lisa+marbly%2Caps%2C159

 

Please note-the first book in my Destinee series-A love worth waiting for-Destinee’s story the ebook is free. So check it out.

 

Follow me

Twitter @Lwarir

https://www.facebook.com/LisaMarblyWarirauthorpage/?view_public_for=925912120754403

 

 

Black Men in America-Interview with Edward Johnson and Trent Roberts

Posted by Lmarbly on July 22, 2016 at 6:25 AM Comments comments (0)

Christine’s Corner

The Rosedale Daily

7/17/16

Christine Thomas interviews Attorney Edward Johnson Jr. and Mr. Trent Roberts for Black Men in America. Hello readers, I recently sat down with Attorney Edward Johnson Jr. and Mr. Trent Roberts. Two men who don’t know each other, but share a common experience-being Black males in America. I chose a central location Downtown Detroit, for us to sit down and discuss this very troubling trend that is plaguing our nation-Black citizens dying at the hands of the police.

Interview transcribed by Moxie J. Allen

Christine- Gentlemen, thank you for sitting with me.

Edward/ Trent- You’re welcome (in unison)

Christine-These are very dark days indeed for our country.The phenomenon of police brutality is not new to the history of America. What is new however, are the cameras in which people are able to get front row seats to fellow Americans being-to put it bluntly-murdered, by so called professionals who are trained to diffuse situations, but are taking lives instead. And more recently the police are now being targeted and marked for death. Scary times. Some of you are already familiar with Attorney Johnson from his radio and TV ads, but you may not know-he also volunteers his time and money to causes concerning high risk young Black males in less fortunate communities. So, Mr. Johnson-your thoughts on this current situation.

Edward-I am deeply troubled by this.

Christine- Edward, we’ve been friends for a while and you know, I love you and your wife, but you’re aware of the label you are getting of being a “new Black” because of recent comments you made about accountability and being responsible about choices.

Edward- I somehow knew those words would come back to haunt me. Being a lawyer I see both sides of the argument all the time. We often have the police’s side of the story and the alleged perpetrators side. You know the saying-there are 2 sides to every story and somewhere in the middle is the truth.

Christine-Edward, do you think that there are times you are far removed from what happens in the Black community when it comes to the police and people of color? You grew up rich, you went to Ivy League schools and you are close friends with the police.

Edward-I am a Black man first. Just because I have a Master’s degree, drive an expensive car; it does not make me exempt from being profiled by the police. For me to be driving my car for example, I’m either a drug dealer, or an athlete. With that said, there is still protocol when dealing with the police.

Christine-Ok Edward. I’m going to stop you right there. By protocol, I’m assuming you mean be compliant and cooperate with the police?

Edward-Yes.

Christine-What about the victims who complied with the police and were still killed?

Edward-Very tragic and unfortunate-I am aware that we have trigger-happy police. There needs to be more training and race/culture awareness for the police. I am presently working with my dad and a host of other professional Black males. We are doing our due diligence to get and keep police officers who are known to use excessive force, or are known racists off the beat and more importantly out of communities that are largely people of color. I am also mentoring young Black men and leading them towards law enforcement. I try to get to them before the gangs, or a life that is not conductive for positive growth.

Christine-That’s a start. And we appreciate you. I would like to tell my audience that you and men like you have been instrumental in sending 50 young Black men to college over the past 5 years.

Edward- Thank you. We have to care about each other and ourselves for any change to start. And change has to start within our communities first.

Christine-I believe change has to start with not allowing racist or scared police to police areas where they are not comfortable.

Edward- No arguments there.

Christine- Thank you so much Edward. We might not always see eye-to-eye, but we respect each other to be able to agree to disagree on certain topics. Now, Mr. Roberts, you have been sitting there so patiently. How are you today?

Trent- Fine, thank you for inviting me.

Christine-Of course, and you are welcome. Tell me your thoughts on the situation out here.

Trent-As Mr. Johnson said, this is very troubling. And if it wasn’t for my mother and my own will to do better, I could easily have been a statistic myself. By that I mean, in prison, perhaps run-ins with the police or worse killed by the police or even by someone that looks like me.

Christine-You too mentor young Black men. Trent-I do.

Christine-What is the biggest challenge for Black males out here? I’m directing the question to both of you.

Edward-Lack of jobs, failing educational system, feelings of hopelessness-

Christine, we’ve talked before and I mentioned that I had a loving father, he was tough-as-nails on me and he didn’t play when it came to education and keeping me on the straight-and-narrow, but a lot of Black men don’t have the father-figure in their lives that they desperately need. Trent-I would also like to add, gang affiliations, many of the young men I mentor are drawn to these gangs because it gives them a sense-of-belonging. Peer pressure is also to blame, because a lot of our men are scared to stand out from their friends and be different.

Christine-I would like to thank you gentlemen for spending your time with me to discuss this very important matter. This situation that we are dealing with is not going to change overnight, but we are fortunate to have men like Attorney Johnson and Mr. Roberts who are doing their part in Detroit and surrounding areas to help make changes for a few young men at a time. And both of you encourage these young men to pay-it-forward-which is great.

Thank you again, fellas. Christine Thomas The Rosedale Daily [email protected]

**Please note-this is fiction-any similarities to real people is a coincidence** Characters from the above books

Why Don't Men Court Anymore?

Posted by Lmarbly on June 16, 2016 at 8:20 PM Comments comments (2)


Why Don’t Men Court Anymore?

By Lisa Marbly-Warir

 

Definition of Courtship-courtesy of Google

noun

noun: courtship; plural noun: courtships

1.    a period during which a couple develop a romantic relationship, especially with a view to marriage.

synonyms:

romance, love affair, affair;

engagement

 

Hello everyone, I know it’s been a minute since I have posted something. I went to a co-worker the other day and asked her for some subject matter to post about. She is a single woman, and this question was posed by her. But I also see this question asked online as well. The reason why is pretty easy to answer in my opinion. However, a social media site I like to visit, the opinion as to why they (men) don’t court anymore varies. I’m thinking there is a generational gap as to why there is a disparity in opinions.

I am 40-plus and many of the women who have had a different opinion from me are in their 20s (and that is ok, we all have different life experiences) that said (please note-these are my personal opinions)

 

  1. Women are not making being courted properly a priority anymore. I’m talking the initial dating process, when a man takes a woman out to a movie, dinner, hand holding in the park-Or whatever the couple’s interests are. But crashing at her place not making the effort to dress up and take her out or only calling a woman at night is not courtship. It’s laziness on both the man’s and the woman’s part. Particularity if a woman wants to move towards marriage and not a forever girlfriend) If a woman wants a man to court her, she needs to set that standard. If a man is unwilling to rise to that standard, he is not the one.

     

  2. Men know they don’t have to put an effort into courting a woman anymore. More and more women are settling for less than true courtship. A lot of women and men are defining lust as a relationship. Many are jumping feet first into sexual relationships without a mutual agreement on what they are. Are we exclusive?-working towards eventual marriage? Friends with benefits, Booty call, Casual dating, I don’t know how to define us, We’re friends-but someone wants more etc etc etc. A real courtship needs to be defined early on. If you (the woman) has questions about where you stand with the man you are with, that may be a red flag.

 

  1. A lot of men are getting the benefits of a relationship without minimal effort on their end. Very minimal. Men are used to not having to step up to the plate because they are not being challenged to, women are getting weary of men not stepping up to the plate-but many women are also settling-which perpetuates this dilemma. Some men are simply lip service and no actions lining up with what they are telling the women they are with. Men and women are often on a different page when it comes to sex and love.

     

    We as women tend to blur the lines of sex and love-which can lead to confusion.  There was a saying years ago (it’s not verbatim-I don’t remember who said it) but Men use words of love to get sex and women give sex to get love. Ladies, there really are red flags when we first meet a man. Some women say they were blind-sided by a man after crap hit the fan. Not true, for the most part, we ignore signs slapping us right in the face. And the reasons for ignoring those signs vary by woman.

     

     

  2. We know we have men who don’t try to court a woman-but then we have men who won’t try because they think women are asking for too much. Movie, dinner, roses and he wants to know what is he getting out of the deal before he spends his money (this is what I’ve heard men say). Sex is usually the preferred trade-off. And sex without true commitment presents a different challenge-which takes me back to men and women being on different pages when it comes to sex and love.

     

  3. I think this one is a biggie. A lot of men are not seeing examples of courtship. Their own father may be missing in action; their mother may have juggled several boyfriends during his formative years. Courtship to a man, if it’s even on his radar differs from courtship from a woman’s POV. I think in our parents/grandparents day-men and women were a little more on the same page when it came to the purpose of courtship-and that was to get married. But somewhere we lost the purpose as more and more women are settling for Mr. Right Now, having children with Mr. Right Now, moving in with Mr. Right Now hoping Mr. Right Now will turn into Mr. Husband, but Mr. Right Now isn’t interested in being Mr. Husband.

     

     

    Someone might ask me; well what is your solution to getting a man to court you. You know, I am a traditional minded woman, and what worked for me-probably wouldn’t work for the masses because relationships are so discombobulated these days. But I will say for women who want to be courted, make it your standard and DON’T waver from that. It won’t be an easy road, because so many women are settling and men tend to gravitate to that.

     

     

     

    Author of

    A Love Worth Waiting For-Destinee’s Story book 1

    Two Become One book 2

    Born Out of Lust book 3

    Jewel-Entrepreneur, Fabulous…and Single a Novella

     

    www.lisamarbly-warirauthorpage.weebly.com

     

My Florida Trip

Posted by Lmarbly on April 23, 2016 at 10:10 AM Comments comments (0)

My Florida trip

April 2016

 

Hey everyone, it’s been awhile since I did a post. I thought I would share my Florida trip experience. I hadn’t been to Florida in almost 20 years, so it was like a brand new adventure. Only this time I went with my husband who’s never been.

Our first day 4/18/16, we did a helicopter ride-a first for both of us. Think of a scary 300 foot-drop roller coaster ride. A helicopter ride is even scarier. It was  fun, in a death grip kind of way and I was glad to be back safe and sound on the ground. Did it, enjoyed it best I could and I can safely say I will never do it again-unless I’m in a zombie apocalypse and that is the only way to get away.

Later that evening we went to Vineland Premium Outlet mall. It was nice. We mostly walked around, made a few purchases. I am a lover of cheese cake, so I made a screeching stop when we happened upon (a cake place-sorry don’t remember the name) I ordered Oreo cheesecake and my husband got a Trix cheesecake. It was good…I’ve had better.

The next day- 4/19/16 Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure- you’re never too old to enjoy some good rides and I will share my favorites. We made a full day of the theme parks-we went during an off season time, but even still it was crowded. The good thing about going during this time-the wait to get on rides wasn’t that bad. 45 minutes tops, if that.

Favorites-

Universal Studios

Transformers 3-D ride

MIB

The Simpsons

Despicable Me-Minion Mayhem

Terminator 3-D experience- I first got on this ride 17 years ago. I’ve always been a T2 fan, but with the newer rides this didn’t seem as thrilling as it did so many years ago. But the live action sequences were nice.

ET-again, first got on this ride 17 years ago, great for that time, boring compared to today’s faster rides.

Shrek 3-D was fun

Island of Adventure

Wizarding world of Harry Potter (I’ve never been much of a HP fan, could be a generational thing. I might take the time to watch it in its entirety one day, just based on this ride. Word of warning if you’ve never seen the movie and don’t like spiders, this ride could give you a conniption (all in good screaming fun of course)

Spider Man- I’m a huge fan of Spider Man (ironic) but enjoyed this ride immensely.

Before we left-we did the City Walk. Mostly filled with restaurants, very nice atmosphere-think Times Square condensed. We went with Bubba Gump Shrimp. We got Forrest’s Seafood feast and… ‘of course we have scampi. The food was very good. I would definitely eat there again.

Day 3 4/20/16

Day trip to Miami-Home of the Golden Girls and Miami Vice- Yeah, I’m old. It was about a 3 ½ hour car ride from Orlando. Our main reason for going was to visit Miami Beach. It was a nice visit and of all the days to rain, it rained while we were at the beach. Nothing serious, just sprinkles and it didn’t ruin our time there. After a couple of hours of walking the beach and playing in the water we were hungry.

The Carlyle

I ordered coconut shrimp and a virgin Mojito- my husband ordered the paella and a virgin pina colada. Even with half off of the food, our bill was still pretty pricey. But the food was very good and it was an enjoyable experience-sitting across from the ocean and people watching.

Day 4 4/21/16

I hate to break the happy, fun continuity with this post to say that this is the day Prince died. He deserves a post all to himself-but sadly this happened while I was on vacation-A friend of mine texted me to see if I had heard. I didn’t. I responded saying I hoped it was just a sick, tactless joke, but it was not. Another gone-to-soon phenomenal artist, he has been a part of my consciousness since I was at least 12 years old, so you’re looking at a very long time. His mark on the music world will be missed, never to be repeated again in my lifetime.

Gator World- this was our last hoorah before heading home the following day. My husband suggested GW and I thought it was just going to be some rinky dink, waste our time day. It turned out to be better than I imagined. There were hundreds of alligators of varying sizes-even some white alligators. Up close and personal. We bought the package deal, so that we could feed the alligators (turkey hot dogs-but the thieving birds got most of the food) the flamingos were beautiful; I don’t think I ever saw any before. Very pretty-bright pink, gorgeous. Then there was a peacock-and he showed off for the cameras. He was in full plume and primped in front of us making sure we saw it all. I swear that bird knew what he was doing.

While we were there, we took a photo with a baby gator and a snake. I had the snake around my neck, true story. All in all, GW is a nice little visit; I don’t think you will be disappointed if you like nature and animals.

Thanks for reading. If you’ve never been to Florida, hope you get the chance. If you’ve been, you already know it’s a great visit.

#Florida #Prince #Orlando #Miami Beach



 

Men can be picky, but women cannot?

Posted by Lmarbly on March 2, 2016 at 9:25 AM Comments comments (0)

The superficial twins on The Steve Harvey Show

Why is it that women are told to overlook looks, but men are not? Men can be very vocal about what he wants in a woman looks wise and no one bats an eye (not even women for the most part) but when a woman is particular about wanting a man who looks a certain way people lose their minds. Let’s be honest, Steve could have did a show with attractive twin brothers, and fixed them up with unattractive women. The women could have been presidents of major corporations, making 6 figures, with hearts of gold. If a man thinks a woman is ugly or unattractive it doesn’t matter what she has going for her- everybody including Steve would pat a man on his back for keeping it real, and not hurting and leading the woman on. I really have no answer for why men can be vocal and particular about how he wants his woman to look, but women are reprimanded. I’m sure there is a scientific theory floating somewhere on the internet.


I have mixed feelings about this episode. I like Steve but I don’t watch his show and I take his relationship advice with a grain of salt (not that there are no nuggets of truth at times-I just prefer relationship advice from a man who’s been married for years with no infidelities under his belt. That’s another subject.


This is a little complicated. Part of me wants to agree with Steve on this-We as women tend to be a little more forgiving when it comes to looks if a man is truly a good man, can provide well, is family oriented etc. I think most people especially when they are young can be superficial and hung up on looks and what a person has. When I was young(er) I used to be very hung up on a certain look of the kind of man I wanted, down to the car I wanted him to drive and his job. He had to be xyz, or he didn’t get anywhere with me. With that said, while I was clinging to my unrealistic expectations (I remained single-dating every now and then, still holding out for Mr. Perfection) while my family and friends were marrying and starting their family with Mr. Average nice guy.


So I get these women, however, having superficial standards can and sometimes will keep you single a lot longer than you anticipated, keep you single forever or scrambling to marry any ole thing out of desperation later. Whether we want to admit to it or not, we (women) have a shelf life. Now that doesn’t mean you can’t be 50 walking down the aisle, or even 65 (heck I was 40 when I finally walked down the aisle, compared to most women that I knew who were 21,22,23 you get the picture. The older we get the harder it is to find a man who wants to settle down. I was blessed to get a good man, who is attractive, hardworking etc but I know many more women who are my age and older, some younger who are still waiting-some wanting to give up on dating altogether. It can be even harder for a man to want to settle down if he’s been divorced, never been married by a certain age or has a slew of baby mama’s. The list is endless. I want to note that there is nothing wrong with having standards, a woman should have standards, but those standards should be realistic.


I won’t go into what constitutes standards because they vary for us all. I don’t want anyone misconstruing my words either. I’m not telling women to just jump on any man just to be married, or jump on a man she thinks is ugly and has a good heart. There should be attraction and chemistry-what I am saying make sure you’re looking at men who approach you objectively and not write any off based on the superficial. What some women won’t tell you is, you may look back over your life with regret on a man or men you didn’t give the time of day to. Especially once your clock starts ticking. Our clocks start to tick at different times. Some will glean from this article what is important to them and some will write it off altogether. That’s fine; they haven’t hit that clock count down yet.

 

Interview with Destinee Jones-Abstaining from sex till marriage is it worth it?

Posted by Lmarbly on February 17, 2016 at 2:15 PM Comments comments (0)

Interview with Destinee Jones-Johnson

By Christine Thomas

 

February

 

Abstaining from sex till marriage is it worth it?

Hello everyone,

It’s your girl Christine, of Christine’s Corner. I thought the topic of abstinence, or maintaining virginity till marriage would be a good topic for Valentine’s Day and beyond. Valentine’s Day is usually a day and night for unbridled passion and the promise of a romantic dinner, skimpy lingerie and good sex. Valentine’s Day has passed but it didn’t stop me from getting in touch with my good friend Destinee. She is the best person to talk to about abstaining till marriage and actually walked the walk. Not an easy one according to her. I’ve known her for years and I know she is an inspiration for some young women who want to know her experience for waiting and whether or not it is worth it?

CT-Hi Destinee, how are you girl? You’re looking great. I see Mister is keeping you happy.

DJ-I’m fine Christine. Thank you and yes he is.

 

CT-When I interviewed that fine husband of yours I thought he was very charming.

http://keepinitrealbwtoday.webs.com/apps/blog/show/43404567-interview-with-attorney-edward-johnson

DJ-Thank you

 

CT-When we were in college you were the only one of us who never really had a boyfriend. And you weren’t having sex like the rest of us. College is usually the place where people experiment and I was no exception. I’m going to tell you. I thought you were weird and missing out. Please tell my readers, why maintaining your virginity was so important to you?

 

DJ-You thought I was weird? You never told me that before.

 

CT-I did. But I also admired your stand. Temptation is too great out here. It was too many fine brotha’s on campus. I don’t know how you did it.

 

DJ-Part of it was upbringing and religious convictions-I know that’s not politically correct. Once I got older and was able to make decisions for myself it was what I wanted to do. I always felt sex was something special that shouldn’t be given away to just anyone. No judgment. That was my choice for my life.

 

CT-I’m glad you mention no judgment because people usually feel some kind of way when they encounter a woman who chooses to abstain. Why do you think that is?

 

DJ-Just guessing, it could be because they wish they had waited. Perhaps the first man they gave themselves to; proved to not be worthy. Men view you as a novelty and like the thrill of the hunt and to see if they can persuade you. At the end of the day men and women view sex differently and women are often the ones who feel out of sorts if they didn’t get from a man what they expected after giving their bodies to them.

 

CT-What about women who enjoy sex and don’t put archaic limitations on themselves when it comes to sex?

DJ-Just like my choice to abstain was my own, women who don’t like archaic limitations have a right to live how they see fit. My choice to abstain only became a problem when certain people started questioning me about it and they felt some kind of way about my choice. You know who I’m talking about. I only talked about it when I was confronted about it.

 

CT-Did the questions about abstaining bother you back then?

DJ-Only when I was ridiculed for my choice; other than that, no.

 

CT-So that brings me to a very personal question. Your husband is the only man you’ve slept with. How can you know if he is good or not? Do you regret not playing the field a bit?

 

~~Destinee laughs here~~

DJ-Yes he is and I am very satisfied in more ways than one with his performance. No complaints on either side. I don’t regret not playing the field. You remember #####? She was very free and vocal about her conquests but when she met ######## she quickly forgot about the body count she used to not only brag about, but she used to rub it in my face that I wasn’t getting any. So I don’t see the point of playing the field, only to want to forget about your conquests once your knight and shining armor shows up.

 

CT-It’s safe to say your husband wasn’t a virgin, correct?

DJ-No he wasn’t

 

CT-Do you think your choice to remain one till marriage was his motivation for pursuing you?

 

DJ-I guess you’d have to ask him, but I don’t think so.

 

CT-I’d love to ask you some even more personal questions but I know you shared some in Two Become One. Two snaps girl, you didn’t hold back.

 

DJ-Well enquiring minds wanted to know some things

 

CT-My final question. At the end of the day; was waiting for sex worth it?

DJ-Yes. It was a long journey. I wanted to throw in the towel many times, but I’m glad I made the personal choice to wait.

 

CT-Thank you Destinee. I wish you and your husband the best and many more years to come.

Anything you’d like to share with my readers?

 

DJ-Just make sure when you are having sex it’s with someone who really loves you, respects you and because you want to. I preferred sex within marriage, but that was my choice. Thank you for inviting me.

 


By Lisa Marbly-Warir

 

Destinee romance novella (Book 1)

Two become one-A Destinee romance (Book 2)

Born Out of Lust (Book 3) -coming soon

Jewel

 

Available at www.Amazon.com

And www.Smashwords.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

To sex or not to sex that is the question for Christian romance novels

Posted by Lmarbly on January 18, 2016 at 12:10 AM Comments comments (0)

To sex or not to sex that is the question for Christian romance novels

Hello readers, I may have tackled this subject before, but since when does talking about sex ever get tiring? It is after all what makes the world go round and it’s something that’s always on everybody’s mind at some point on another. I bring this subject up specifically for Christian women. A couple of friends of mine gave me some food for thought regarding one of my books Two become one-A Destinee sequel and it’s making me overthink my decision in putting sexual situations in this book and not simply implying sexual events took place. (But then I have other readers who wanted some hot steamy sex-so I called myself reaching a compromise) As I told one of my friends before they even read the book, they (my characters) will do what married people do-they were given fair warning. So one of them told me-Well what about Christian women who may struggle in areas of sexual sins (fornication, adultery etc.) and they read this and stumble. 1st Corinthians 10:32.


That’s a fair point I guess, but I maintain that God created sex and the characters in question in my book are a married couple. Also, TV, even advertisements are saturated with sex- a person would have to close their eyes every single minute of the day to avoid sex if they are that offended by a natural part of life. To be fair I don’t think the friends I am talking about are offended per se, but they knowing me to be a Christian and they themselves are Christian they expected my 2nd book to be like the first. Destinee romance novella I asked them how can Destinee be the same person from the first book? Her life and situation has changed, so she wouldn’t be that same pie in the sky girl; she had to adapt to her new situation and that includes sex. So now I don’t know if in my friends’ cases is it simply a personal preference to not read sex in detail or is it better to hint at it? I pose the same question to you.


Would you rather read about sex in detail?

Or do you prefer implication and using your own imagination?

As Christian women should we be reading sexually laden novels?

To answer my own questions-Yes, yes and probably not if you struggle in that area


My first story Destinee romance novella was well received, not just by Christian women but also women who may not identify with Christianity who enjoyed the “sex free” story, because it still hinted at a deep intimate passion between the protagonist and the hero of the story-and you could still use your imagination of what they would do to each other given the opportunity.


 

The bible is pretty clear when it comes to sex within marriage being an honorable thing.

1 Corinthians 7:1-40

1 Corinthians 7:9

Genesis 2:25


There are plenty of scriptures regarding premarital and marital sex. Please note this article is directed at Christians-I realize that the world and even some Christians don’t see sex outside of marriage as a big deal-I’m not directing this at you.


#black christian women #sex in the bible #black romance #african american romance #premarital sex #marital sex #marriage bed

 

 

RHOA Season 8 Episode 10

Posted by Lmarbly on January 11, 2016 at 10:20 AM Comments comments (0)

RHOA Season 8 Episode 10

Trouble on the Family Tree

 

Kenya

 

For those who watch this show and caught this episode it became painfully clear to me about Kenya’s personality. She has a larger than life persona and the root of it; I feel is the abandonment by her own mother. I thought this was a perfect time to address something that goes on all too often in our communities. Kenya’s situation is not unique. In that, two parents (in Kenya’s case teenagers) were having sex and it resulted in unexpected consequence; a baby that didn’t ask to come here and certainly didn’t ask to come here to be neglected and discarded. Her grandfather supposedly said he didn’t want any more illegitimate children coming into his home. Parents really need to talk to their children/teenagers about having sex before they are ready, don’t just tell them not to do it (we know forbidden fruit is tempting) Let them know the ramifications of too soon sex. Not just diseases, jaded feelings etc, but a living breathing human being can result. There was a time when having a child OOW was frowned upon, it wasn’t seen as something to glorify and uplift the way it is today. Children are the ones that suffer from coming here before individuals are ready for them.

Obviously I don’t know the whole story of Kenya and her situation, just what she allows us to see but it is so wrong to do a child like that. People may say that she is an adult now; she’s rich, fabulous and famous. All of that does not; I repeat does not make up for something that you desperately missed during your formative years. I hope that Ms. Moore gets the resolution she is seeking and if her mother never reaches out I hope she still gets peace regarding it.

 

Porsha, Porsha, Porsha

 

Any woman who is an older sister may understand Porsha’s angst. Her younger sister kept her pregnancy from her at first not knowing how she would handle it. That in itself can be hurtful and insulting. Porsha admits that she wanted the family life, husband, baby (perhaps career) and she bravely admitted that she would give up the fabulous life she has now at the chance of a family. Some women put career and money first and find a family even harder to obtain later. I feel Porsha is the reason she is out of her own marriage. She allowed those other RHOA women to shame her for wanting to be a “submissive wife” (remember the Las Vegas trip Season 5 episode 17?) and while that may be archaic today, it was her choice. Clearly I don’t know the ins and outs of what went on in her marriage. But now she is putting herself on front street as a desperate acting woman and men can and will take advantage of that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They don't make romance novels for Plain Janes

Posted by Lmarbly on December 4, 2015 at 10:40 PM Comments comments (0)

“They don’t make romance novels for plain Jane’s, or women that look like me.” I was at work the other day and I asked one of my coworkers “Do you like to read?” She said yes-so I gave her a business card with my book information she sees that it’s a romance novel. She goes “OH! Well, um I don’t read romance books because the rich handsome hero always picks the model or the beautiful woman, but not someone that looks like me.” I was on my break and couldn’t stop and delve deeper into the conversation, but it got me to thinking how many other women feel this way?


Anyway, I don’t think she was wrong in her assertion, but I wanted to tell her well write your own book and make the heroine look the way you want, after all we all have a story in us, whether or not we write it is well………. another story. Reading and watching movies is about escapism anyway-I can’t speak for anyone else but most people like to see in movies or read about two attractive people coming together in love, especially if a sex scene is involved. But here is the problem, women are held to a different standard when it comes to looks. How many movies or sitcoms have we watched where the man was overweight, a nerd, considerably older or just plain ole not attractive but his woman is average to pretty and even beautiful? But it is rare to never the other way around. Of course we have to consider those shows/movies are probably written from a male perspective.


Bridget Jones diary, The truth about cats and dogs and even Jane Eyre are the only movies/story I can think of off the bat where the woman was a “plain Jane” and If I remember correctly the men weren’t exactly rich, handsome types so maybe it balances out in those cases. At the end of the day beauty is in the eye of the beholder; I get it, it’s been like this since the dawn of time, I’m not trying to ruffle feathers or change something that’s been a human condition since forever, men like beautiful women (and we like to look at handsome men (and the idea of handsome varies from woman to woman) and it’s a bonus if he is rich) and even we as female writers typically write our heroines as attractive and slim etc, because that is what people want to read and envision. We want to lose ourselves in a romance movie or book-that’s the point.


I remember years ago reading the Archie comics (who remembers those?) and one of the characters said. If love is blind why do so many men fall in love with beautiful women? Don’t know if that is verbatim, I read it many moons ago as a teenager. Of course it was a rhetorical question.


The reason I write is for a variety of reasons, and one reason is I get to write the men and women in my stories exactly how I want them (granted the women are not plain Jane’s) but they tend to have qualities about them that is “different” ie virtuous, not worldly etc.


If anyone can share more “Plain Jane” novels feel free to post them. I’m sure they’re out there.


~~Edit~~ Edward Rochester in Jane Eyre was rich, but not handsome, and in Bridget Jones diary, I believe 2 of the men pursuing her were rich.

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Edward's dilemma

Posted by Lmarbly on November 30, 2015 at 10:25 PM Comments comments (0)

Hello readers. This is a bonus chapter for Destinee romance novella and does contain spoilers. For readers of the book you will understand Edward's dilemma. For the ones who haven't read the book please feel free to check out the sample first chapter at www.Goodreads.com.

Spoiler













Bonus chapter

Edward’s Dilemma

Before the festivities were over Edward scanned the dining room for Destinee. He wanted to thank her for coming and tell her how beautiful she looked. He had planned to ask her to dance but decided against it saving her the embarrassment of being in the spotlight knowing how shy she was and even though she denied it, he could tell he made her a little bit nervous. No one would ever believe that a woman didn’t succumb to his charms. His charm came effortlessly, something he inherited from his father. But Miss Destinee Jones with her quiet austere demeanor seemingly ignored the greatness which was him. Not that he was arrogant in any way, we discovered that about him, he just couldn’t read her and it concerned him. He knew he couldn’t handle rejection, especially from a woman he had fallen in love with. Destinee in some ways reminded him of Amara his college sweetheart who had broken his heart years earlier. He didn’t know if he could let another woman have his heart like that again, but he was willing to give it a chance with Destinee.

That night he was going to tell her how he felt consequences be damned. If the feeling was mutual, great, if not, at least he told her. Thinking Destinee had stepped out for the bathroom, he continued to mingle with his guests until he was able to get her alone and hopefully in his arms. When she didn’t reappear he decided he would have better clarity in the morning and put it off till then.

The following morning Edward slept in, tired from the previous evening plus he had out of town guests he didn’t feel like entertaining at the moment. He was surprised that Stephanie didn’t come to his bedroom. She stayed the night. He assumed she crashed in one of his guest rooms. Edward got up and put some time in his home gym, showered and had breakfast. Then he would go see Destinee he decided. He had given his staff the day off knowing everyone would be tired from the party. So it was perfect for him and Destinee to enjoy some impromptu time with one another. Only this time she would know how he felt about her.

When he didn’t see her car in the drive he assumed she was out running errands, so he went about his day. It wasn’t until later that night when he found her resignation note; he couldn’t even call it a letter. Just a short impersonal note from the woman he was going to spill his guts to. His heart sank.

“Everything ok” Thomas asked with Stephanie hot on his heels as they strolled into the study. They’d spent part of the previous evening and into the early morning hours doing things to each other they had no business doing on Edward’s leather sofa. Edward looked at his friend and former girlfriend and sensed something had happened between them. But he was too distracted to care at the moment. Thomas could tell something was troubling his friend.

“Destinee resigned.” Edward said sounding dejected. Thomas shrugged his shoulders. He remembered seeing an attractive woman off to herself but he didn’t understand why his friend seemed bothered about some wallflower when there were plenty of exciting and less complicated women in the world; Stephanie being one of them.

Stephanie was relieved at the news, but she didn’t express it to Edward. His fondness for Destinee only seemed to intensify anytime Stephanie said anything negative about her. Destinee resigning was an answered prayer and she promptly forgot Thomas who viewed her as a conquest anyway.

The trio went to dinner that night. It was Thomas’ last night in Langston before he headed back to New York. So they celebrated and it helped to get Edward’s mind off of Destinee temporarily. He was clueless as to why she would do that without warning and then convinced himself that if she were childish enough to pull such a stunt then maybe she was not the woman for him after all.

Stephanie excused herself and went to the ladies room. The men sat and talked until she came back.

“So man, tell me about this Destinee, you’ve seemed bothered all day.” Thomas said.

“I can’t even tell you myself, it’s just something about her. It should have never taken me so

long to tell her how I felt.” Edward said.

Thomas shook his head.

“You always were odd man; you let these women trip you up. Look at me, I’ve never been in

love and I prefer it that way. You fall in love and the woman has you wrapped around her

finger, nah man. I like my freedom. Thomas said.

“I tried to convince myself to be like that after Amara, but Destinee is different.” Edward said.

“Sure” Said Thomas unconvinced. He wasn’t in the mood to hear his friend moon over some female.

“You think she might be pregnant?” Thomas asked and looked at his friend.

“No, we never……….” Edward said and was interrupted.

“What, I knew it man, you lost it.” Thomas said.

“I didn’t lose anything; I just didn’t want to be the man I used to be with this woman. I could

have got it, believe me.” Edward said. Deep down Edward knew that wasn’t the truth. Destinee simply was not the type of woman who went for premarital sex and he wondered if that was the only reason he was so enthralled with her. Only time would tell; but he would have to find her first.

“So, um, what’s going on between you and Stephanie? Thomas asked.

“Nothing………anymore, we’re just friends.” Edward said.

“So, she’s fair game?” Thomas asked.

“You hit it didn’t you?” Edward asked slightly amused but unfazed.

“You know this.” Thomas said.

They shut up when Stephanie came back to the table.

 

Days later

 

Edward called Destinee’s mother and was a little surprised to learn that even she had no idea of Destinee’s whereabouts.

“Why do you think she would do that?” Her mother quizzed Edward fishing for information she knew her daughter would never tell her. She’d never met Edward in person for all the years Destinee had worked for him but she’d spoken to him a couple of times over the phone whenever Destinee came back home for a visit and he needed something. A mother’s intuition was rarely wrong and she sensed her daughter was in love with this man but she wondered what might have transpired between them for her daughter to not only disappear but not even say anything to her about it. All kinds of sordid images came to mind and she quickly dismissed them knowing her daughter. Destinee’s mother felt some guilt and thought maybe she wouldn’t be in this situation had she not sheltered her.

“I don’t know what to tell you Edward, but since I know she left you a note I feel a little

relief, she just needs to sort some things out in her mind. I’ll contact you when I learn something.” Her mother said.

“Ok Ms. Jones. He said and hung up.

 

***

Monday morning Edward came to work announcing Destinee had quit and asked Carol and May had they heard anything from her.

“No, Mr. Johnson.” Carol said. May echoed her answer.

Carol and May looked at each other; they just assumed Destinee was running late which was not like her.

“Hmmm” Carol said and went to Edward’s office.

“Mr. Johnson, what’s going on?” She asked.

“I don’t know. Destinee left this note.” He said and handed her the note.

“Do you know why she would do this?” Edward asked.

Carol was quiet for a moment. She’d kept Destinee’s secret passion for Edward under wraps for years, but now was the time to let him know.

“Um, Mr. Johnson, I don’t know if you realized it but Destinee was in love with you and you

were always parading those other women around.” She said. Edward looked at Carol a little surprised.

“Those women meant nothing to me. I love Destinee.” Edward said.

“Forgive me Mr. Johnson, as educated as you are, you are really stupid about women. For

starters you’re giving Stephanie false hope that she has a real chance with you. You need to

stop leading her on. And you have to take into consideration that Destinee was not like the

women you normally entertained. They might be able to read you and take your charm and

flirtation as harmless but Destinee was not a worldly woman with a lot of experience. Her

heart was wrapped completely around you and you failed to see it.” Carol said and shook her head.

Edward hadn’t thought about his actions and how any of the women were interpreting them.

“Thank you for your honesty and you’re correct I’ve been selfish and careless. But if you hear

from Destinee, please let me know.” He said and Carol went back to her desk.

“So what’s going on?” May asked.

“Girl those two knuckleheads, both of them are in love with each other and neither wanted to

step forward about it.” Carol said.

“I’m really surprised about Edward. I never pegged Destinee as being his type.” May said.

“Well who is his type, May?” Carol asked.

“I think Stephanie is a better fit for him. She’s from here and she’s on his class level. I’m glad

Destinee is gone. Stephanie can get her rightful position back as future Mrs. Edward Johnson. May said.

“May are you serious? If Edward wants Destinee, nothing Stephanie can do will make him

change his mind if he’s already moved on emotionally. We will probably never understand

the chemistry of love but we need to stay out of this.” Carol said.

“In Langston it’s not so much about love; it’s more of a business transaction for some

of these couples anyway. Keep the wealth in the community, so yes Stephanie is the better

fit.” May reiterated.

“You don’t like to see genuine love between people do you?” Carol asked.

“If Mr. Johnson was so in love, he would have been had Destinee and they’d be together now.” May said bringing her point home.

Carol ignored her coworker and friend. Apparently May didn’t know that fate had a way of bringing people together. And even if Carol didn’t know when or where, she still had a strong feeling that Destinee and Edward was not over.



 

 

 

 











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About the Author



Lisa Marbly-Warir is an avid reader and has been writing for years. She started out writing fan fiction of celebrities and TV/movie characters. Michael Jackson was her favorite to write about and it garnered her a small following. She published her first book Destinee romance novella (completed 2001) January 2015. Painting and drawing is also a favorite pastime though she doesn’t do it as often as she used to. Next to reading, writing and drawing, Lisa also loves to travel. She has been to Europe, the Caribbean and North Africa as well as travels throughout the United States. You will see she incorporates some of her travel journeys into her stories. One of her quotes “Writing is an escape, and I love living through my characters and bringing them to life”

 

Cat person-(she loves dogs too)

Red (favorite color)

Rose (favorite flower)

Jane Eyre (favorite novel)

 

 


My Tumblr page

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lisawarirauthorpage